Cityfile: New York's Most Notable and Influential

Not at Home: Christopher Hitchens & Wife | The outgoing voicemail message at the home of author, Vanity Fair columnist and torture victim Christopher Hitchens actually rhymes. How adorable! [Jossip]

News that will play merry havoc with the minds of those wondering why he/she never called back, even though it seemed like such a great date: More than 30 percent of voicemail messages go unlistened to for three or more days, reports the company that runs the system for Verizon and other wireless carriers, with more than 20 percent of people "rarely" dialing in to check their messages. Yup, voicemail is desperately unfashionable, having been upstaged by email, texting, and even Twittering, not least because the arduous process of calling a number, entering a password, and listening to someone ramble on takes way too long. More

As is our custom on Friday afternoons, we gave a quick call over to Steve Schwarzman to check in and see how he was holding up, especially after this bit of news a couple of weeks ago, which had us as alarmed out as anyone. Alas, we didn't get an answer over at 740 Park, so we thought we'd try him down at the Palm Beach manse. Because if you're not getting paid, might as well head off for a three-day weekend, right? Well, you can imagine how relieved we were when this guy answered. (Click on the video above.) We can't be sure, of course, but it sure sounded like a French guy to us. Steve's famous French chef, perhaps? Quite possibly! Regardless, after a week like this, we're taking this as an encouraging sign that Steve's $3,000 food budgets remain intact and the spending goes on. Which it most certainly has to if we're ever going to get out from this mess.

The answering machine at the Water Mill home of billionaire Steve Schwarzman and his wife Christine.

A few previous voicemails: Alex McCord, LuAnn de Lesseps, Mort Zuckerman, Lucy Sykes and Euan Rellie, Wes Anderson, Charlotte Ronson, Dan Loeb, Michael Moore, Shoshanna Gruss, Regis Philbin, Jim Cramer, George Whipple, Tom Colicchio, Cynthia Nixon, Jonathan Tisch, Nathan Lane, Victoria Gotti, John Leguizamo, Carl Icahn, Dylan Lauren, Andre Balazs, Atoosa Rubenstein, Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler, Lewis Black, Katie Couric, Tinsley Mortimer. For a complete list, see here.

Not in the Office for Much Longer: Liz Smith | Yesterday it was revealed that the Post had decided to part ways with longtime gossip Liz Smith. Her last column will appear in the paper tomorrow. But before she heads out the door, you can have a listen to the voicemail that greeted callers when the 86-year-old was running around town hunting down juicy bits of gossip (or, say, having long lunches with her pals). It's our farewell salute to an industry legend. Best of luck, Liz, and thanks for the memories. [Previous voicemails]

Not at Home: Catherine Malandrino | The voicemail message at the home of Catherine Malandrino and her husband/business partner Bernard Aidan. Previous fashion-related voicemails: Lynn Yaeger, Gilles Bensimon, Lucy Sykes, Charlotte Ronson, Hamish Bowles, Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler.

Not on Her Cell: Bettina Zilkha | The voicemail message on socialite Bettina Zilkha's cell phone. Related: Plum Sykes, Shoshanna Gruss, Lucy Sykes and Euan Rellie, Dylan Lauren, Tinsley Mortimer. Have someone you'd like us to call? Feel free to email us and let us know.

Lynn Yaeger: Not at Home | In honor of Fashion Week, here's the answering machine message at Lynn Yaeger's apartment. (It's no surprise she isn't at home; she's covering the shows for New York this year.) Be sure to listen through to the end to hear the musical chimes of her delightfully old-school machine. Previous fashion-related voicemails: Gilles Bensimon, Lucy Sykes, Charlotte Ronson, Hamish Bowles, Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler.

The voicemail message on "Real Housewife" Alex McCord's cell phone.

Previously: LuAnn de Lesseps, Gilles Bensimon, Diane Sawyer, Lucy Sykes and Euan Rellie, Charlotte Ronson, Michael Moore, Plum Sykes, Shoshanna Gruss, Regis Philbin, Tom Colicchio, Cynthia Nixon, Nathan Lane, Hamish Bowles, John Leguizamo, Dylan Lauren, Andre Balazs, Atoosa Rubenstein, Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler, Katie Couric, Tinsley Mortimer.

The answering machine at the home of "Countess" LuAnn de Lesseps of Real Houswives fame.

Previously: Gilles Bensimon, Diane Sawyer, Lucy Sykes and Euan Rellie, Charlotte Ronson, Michael Moore, Plum Sykes, Shoshanna Gruss, Regis Philbin, Tom Colicchio, Cynthia Nixon, Nathan Lane, Hamish Bowles, John Leguizamo, Dylan Lauren, Andre Balazs, Atoosa Rubenstein, Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler, Katie Couric, Tinsley Mortimer.

The voicemail message at Gilles Bensimon's apartment.

Previously: Diane Sawyer, Mort Zuckerman, Lucy Sykes and Euan Rellie, Wes Anderson, Charlotte Ronson, Daniel Loeb, Leven Rambin, Michael Moore, Plum Sykes, Shoshanna Gruss, Regis Philbin, Suze Orman, Jim Cramer, George Whipple, Tom Colicchio, Cynthia Nixon, Jonathan Tisch, Nathan Lane, Hamish Bowles, Victoria Gotti, John Leguizamo, Carl Icahn, James Lipton, Dylan Lauren, Andre Balazs, Atoosa Rubenstein, Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler, Lewis Black, Katie Couric, Tinsley Mortimer.

The voicemail message at Diane Sawyer's ABC News office.

Previously: Mort Zuckerman, Lucy Sykes and Euan Rellie, Wes Anderson, Charlotte Ronson, Daniel Loeb, Leven Rambin, Michael Moore, Plum Sykes, Shoshanna Gruss, Regis Philbin, Suze Orman, Jim Cramer, George Whipple, Tom Colicchio, Cynthia Nixon, Jonathan Tisch, Nathan Lane, Hamish Bowles, Victoria Gotti, John Leguizamo, Carl Icahn, James Lipton, Dylan Lauren, Andre Balazs, Atoosa Rubenstein, Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler, Lewis Black, Katie Couric, Tinsley Mortimer.

The voicemail message at Mort Zuckerman's East Hampton home.

Previously: Lucy Sykes and Euan Rellie, Wes Anderson, Charlotte Ronson, Daniel Loeb, Leven Rambin, Michael Moore, Plum Sykes, Shoshanna Gruss, Regis Philbin, Suze Orman, Jim Cramer, George Whipple, Tom Colicchio, Cynthia Nixon, Jonathan Tisch, Nathan Lane, Hamish Bowles, Victoria Gotti, John Leguizamo, Carl Icahn, James Lipton, Dylan Lauren, Andre Balazs, Atoosa Rubenstein, Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler, Lewis Black, Katie Couric, Tinsley Mortimer.

We didn't have much success last week getting one of our operatives past Bernie Madoff's doorman, and we really didn't have any interest in trekking to Greenwich to pay a visit to our second favorite villain in the saga, Walter Noel. But could we at least get Walter or his wife Monica on the phone? Ask and ye shall receive. After calling half a dozen numbers and getting nowhere at Walter's office (voicemail), his house in Greenwich (the maid picked up), the Noel home in Southampton (was it one of his infamous daughters who picked up?), and the Noel's apartment on Park Avenue, we finally got a hold of Mrs. Noel herself. You can view the video above to see how it went down. But we're guessing you're going to come to the same conclusion we did: Monica does not sound like a very happy woman these days.

The voicemail message at Lucy Sykes and Euan Rellie's apartment.

Previously: Wes Anderson, Charlotte Ronson, Daniel Loeb, Leven Rambin, Michael Moore, Plum Sykes, Shoshanna Gruss, Regis Philbin, Suze Orman, Jim Cramer, George Whipple, Tom Colicchio, Cynthia Nixon, Jonathan Tisch, Nathan Lane, Hamish Bowles, Victoria Gotti, John Leguizamo, Carl Icahn, James Lipton, Dylan Lauren, Andre Balazs, Atoosa Rubenstein, Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler, Lewis Black, Katie Couric, Tinsley Mortimer.