Cityfile: New York's Most Notable and Influential

So it turns out that various "natural" weight-loss supplements may actually contain real drugs, but you'll have to hurry to get your hands on them before the FDA sniffs out all the products that don't disclose their exciting illicit ingredients. Following a class action lawsuit against StarCaps by NFL players who tested positive for the drug bumetanide, the pills—which are sold by surgerized socialite Nikki Haskell with the tagline "Dare to be thin!" and endorsed by her friends like Ivana Trump—have been pulled from the shelves of stores like GNC, and the FDA is continuing to test other diet supplements. More

Meth Manufacturers: Now Hiring | Remember the good old days when you used to be able to pick up some ephedrine-containing medicine right off the drugstore shelf any time you needed a remedy for the sniffles, a cheap appetite suppressant, or a light stimulant? Then the crystal meth epidemic came along, and stores instituted limits on the number of boxes of Sudafed you could purchase, a move that supposedly helped curb distribution of the drug. Well, the meth bakers have prevailed: Teams of "smurfers" simply travel to different stores and buy up the meds, and the drug is once again "proliferating," say police. So if you're job hunting, you may want to add "smurfing" to the list. No, it's not quite as prestigious as law or banking. But at least you won't be stuck in a cubicle all day, right? [ABC News]

Obama Smack Seized | Hope you weren't counting on rounding out your inauguration memorabilia collection with some Obama-branded smack. Earlier this week, cops in upstate New York broke up a drug ring that was selling baggies of heroin with "Obama" stamped on the glassine wrappers. Expect to hear all about Obama's nefarious ties to drug gangs on right-wing talk shows for the next week or so. [TSG]

It's not at all surprising that New York's been rated the nation's fourth most caffeinated city—especially in light of new research which suggests that people who drink a lot of coffee are prone to delusions including hallucinations, hearing voices, and, best of all, sensing the presence of dead people. The highest caffeine consumption looked at in the study was 330 milligrams a day, which is contained in just one Grande cup of Starbucks drip coffee. So treat yourself to a couple of those today and you could forge a whole new career as the next John Edward.

Meth Dealers Prefer Rite Aid | These are tough economic times, no doubt. Have you been tempted to make a little cash by starting up a meth lab in your apartment? Who hasn't? If you're worried that you're going to have trouble finding a pharmacy to sell you boxes Sudafed in bulk, put your worries to bed. Just make Rite Aid your first stop. [Crain's]

We're nearly a decade into the new millennium. We carry miniature computers around in our pockets, smooth wrinkles with quick injections, fix poor eyesight with a 3-second laser beam, and watch TV shows about robotic beings whose lives are scripted for them. Yet the most vital scientific breakthrough of them all continues to elude mankind: When will scientists get their act together and create a pill for instant weight loss with no unpleasant side effects? More

Feeling a little socially overextended over the next couple of weeks? You can always blame your Ambien prescription for accepting that email invitation to your friend's cousin's Christmas party. One woman says that after increasing her dose, she "received a puzzling phone call from a friend who said she was accepting her dinner invitation," one that she couldn't remember extending. The woman's friend then pointed out that she'd sent the invite by e-mail the night before, although she had no recollection of ever sending it. We're thinking this could also work for denying all knowledge of/responsibility for drunk dialing. [ABC]

What New Yorkers Really Want: Sleep | Concern over the economy has led to a 7 percent spike in prescriptions for sleep medications in New York over the past two months, say experts. And now also you know why your co-workers look like zombies when they show up to the office in the morning. [Crain's]

Finally, some good news in a sea of gloom: A group of scientists and ethicists is now promoting the rights of people to pop performance-enhancing stimulants like Ritalin, Adderall and Provigil. Whereas now people who want to give themselves a bit more energy have to turn to Craiglist to find someone with "ski tickets," or have to go to the trouble of faking ADHD symptoms to a doctor, in the future the ability to improve "executive function" and memory should be easily available to all, they argue. More

Banker by Day, Dealer by Night | The economy is worse off than we thought: It seems some Wall Streeters have been turned to drug dealing. A sting operation on Craigslist uncovered a rather unlikely culprit: "A Citigroup vice president, Mark Rayner, attracted police attention after posting an ad offering Ecstasy, ketamine, cocaine and crystal meth. An undercover cop arrested him after he tried to sell 50 Ecstasy pills and 7 grams of cocaine." But at least Rayner has a new career lined up—unlike the vast majority of the 50,000 Citi employees who were laid off yesterday.  [NYDN]

As if cokeheads weren't annoying enough with their obnoxious personalities and endless occupation of club bathrooms, now they can consider themselves victims of their DNA, too. A genetic basis for cocaine addiction has been found by German psychopharmacology researchers, who say that a particular gene variant causes an increased likelihood of becoming addicted to the drug. Getting hooked on the white stuff is 70 percent genetic, the study suggests—cheerful news for the likes of Lila Grace Moss. [Guardian]

Medications New Victims of Cost-Cutting | More cheerful symptoms of the recession: Based on the number of prescriptions filled in the first eight months of this year, people appear to be scrimping on their medications in order to save money as they're increasingly forced to choose between gas, meals and drugs. But the pharma companies aren't panicking just yet: The US still spends around $286.5 billion on prescription drugs, more than any other country in the world. [NYT]

Pot Dealers Adapting to Economy | The latest business to report feeling the pinch? Pot dealing! A marijuana delivery guy for a New York service says that he's having to tempt buyers with value deals of lower quality weed, and that his biggest clients, Wall Streeters, are now buying eighths instead of ounces. Hey, maybe spending less time majorly stoned will mean a more acute grasp of how to play the markets? Just a thought. [men.style.com]

Competitive Slimming | Valerie Frankel—who last week totally nailed Sarah Palin's "pretty girl syndrome"—has a new book out, Thin Is the New Happy, in which she describes the anorexic culture at erstwhile Condé Nast title Mademoiselle. At the magazine, she says: "Self-starvation was a competitive sport... of the dozen-odd women in the articles department, three-quarters of us had some kind of eating quirk or habit that any shrink alive would diagnose as borderline pathological." Obviously the staff at surviving titles like Glamour were better at working while delirious from hunger. [Page Six]

The next time you need to beg/borrow/steal some pills for any reason, look no further than your nearest child. A new report reveals that American kids are being heavily prescribed psychotropic drugs for conditions like ADHD and bipolar disorder, with three times as many of them on some kind of psychiatric medication compared to children in European countries. Possible reasons given include the effectiveness of direct-to-consumer advertising, this country's high number of child psychiatrists per capita, a cultural emphasis on drug therapy, and the trend for children to want to make extra money dealing to their classmates. (OK, we made the last one up.)