Cityfile: New York's Most Notable and Influential

Monserrate Catches a Break | Hiram Monserrate, the state senator who sliced up his girlfriend's face with a broken glass during a fight (and is officially New York's most evil politician) was found guilty of misdemeanor assault this afternoon. But was cleared of the two more felony charges against him, which means he'll be able to keep his seat in Albany. Sigh. [NYT]

If you find yourself facing a life sentence at Manhattan Supreme Court and you decide you'd rather take your chances and make a run for it, you'll need to execute your big escape is a well-tailored suit. It worked out pretty well for Ronald Tackman this morning. The career criminal facing five counts of robbery in Manhattan (he's also accused of another robbery in Queens) pulled the move this morning and managed to get mistaken for a lawyer in the process:

Tackman, who had been awaiting trial on Rikers Island, was "impeccably dressed" in a jacket and tie when he arrived for a pre-trial hearing on the 13th floor, the source said. Somehow, Tackman managed to sneak down two flights to a holding area for prisoners awaiting trial - and where a court officer mistook him for a lawyer, according to the source. "Counselor, what are you doing here?" the officer asked, the source said. Another courthouse source said Tackman was not handcuffed and in a suit. "The officer didn't even challenge him," the second source said. "He just walked out."

If you see Tackman, don't panic. He isn't considered dangerous. Then again, the chances of actually spotting him seem to be pretty slim. He's described by one official as "the quintessential average-looking white guy." [NYDN, NYP]

Mallory Montilla Has a Past | Mallory Montilla, the PR staffer who was arrested last week for helping herself to nearly $100,000 in jewelry that didn't belong to her, has been down this path before, apparently. It turns out the 24-year old was fired from her last job at Bergdorf Goodman for walking away with $13,000 in pilfered clothing. That's two strikes against her—two times now she's been fired  for stealing and two times she's been arrested for it. Want to give her one more shot? She's still taking "job inquiries." [NYP]

New Charges For Nemazee | Last week, banker and Democratic mega-fundraiser Hassan Nemazee was detained by FBI agents investigating whether Nemazee had used forged documents to get Citibank to provide him with a $74 million loan. The next day, though, Nemazee paid Citibank back the entire $74 million—presumably because he was hoping that if he returned the cash, he might be able to make the problem go away. But the move was a bit suspicious. If he had the $74 million sitting around, why would he have bothered carrying out the scheme in the first place?More

Today is not a good day for Hassan Nemazee, the banker and Democratic heavyweight who served as finance co-chairman for Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. He's now out on bail following his indictment on bank fraud charges, which is nice. And the terms of his release allow him to remain in his Park Avenue apartment under house arrest, which is good, too. But he can't do very much. He's not allowed to watch TV or use a computer. And making ends meet may be tough for Nemazee now that he's had to put his apartment and weekend home up as collateral, and the judge also prohibited him from applying for any new bank loans or credit cards. But have no fear, Hassan! We have a little workaround for you. More

Hassan Nemazee, the banker and Democratic mega-fundraiser who was charged yesterday with forging financial documents to get Citibank to give him a $74 million loan, got to leave prison today. And just like Marc Dreier and Bernie Madoff before him, he'll be under house arrest from now on, confined to a $20 million, 14th floor co-op at 770 Park Avenue. The terms of Nemazee's release are pretty strict: The $25 million bail package requires him to pledge his Park Avenue apartment and house in Katonah as collateral; he'll be monitored round the click via electronic bracelet; and the judge also banned him from using computers, the Internet, or getting a new cell phone. (What's he going to do all day? God only knows.) Prosecutors argued for the tough terms because they said Nemazee is a flight risk, and by the looks of it, the judge was inclined to agree. But that's where you come in! The apartment next door to Nemazee's is up for sale. Maybe you want to move in and keep an eye on him? We can't say so for sure, but prosecutors might be willing to cut you a break the next time jury duty rolls around if you step up and perform the valuable service. A couple of pics and a floor plan of Apt. 14B are below. More

Computer hackers and the perpetrators of securities fraud are having quite a moment, aren't they? This week, the man behind the largest computer hacking case in U.S. history, Albert Gonzalez, was taken into custody and he now finds himself in a (computer-less) jail cell in Brooklyn facing charges he made off with 135 million credit and debit card numbers. And we certainly don't have to tell you that 2009 as been a banner year for fraudsters armed with all any number of financial schemes designed to line their pockets and empty your own. But can you tell the difference between a computer hacker and fraudster just by looking at them? And could you differentiate a rogue techie and evil financial genius from a garden variety pedophile? It's harder than it looks! Below you'll find a sampling of mugshots of men who have been arrested for one of the three crimes. It's up to you to tell them apart. Good luck! More

Another Pleasure-Seeker Caught In the Act | It looks like the subway masturbator who was arrested by the NYPD last week after a woman snapped his pic with her cell phone isn't the only one looking for kicks underground at the expense of innocent straphangers. Because there's a new report of another guy who did precisely the same thing—and just like last time, a woman unlucky enough to watch the action unfold managed to take his photo, which she's since turned over to the police. Hasn't it become abundantly clear by now that illicit subway masturbation really isn't viable any longer thanks to the advent of the camera phone? Guess we'll find out! [1010WINS via Gothamist, previously]

We're All Human | The guy who was seen masturbating on the subway last Friday—and who was arrested on public lewdness charges yesterday thanks to the woman who had the sense to snap pics of him with her cell phone—has a very long rap sheet, it turns out. But that might be because he's not very good at making up excuses. His explanation for the little subway incident last week: "That's me in the pictures, my private parts fell out... I looked down and it was out, it just popped out. I was trying to put it back." [NYDN]

Pirates of the Mediterranean? | We've all heard about those nasty pirates off the coast of Somalia, who have been attacking cargo ships and the occasional cruise ship over the past few months. (If you're interested in a fantastic account of one such attack, check out this article by William Langewiesche from the April issue of Vanity Fair.) Is it possible the piracy trend now moving north to, say, European waters? That's what some are wondering now that a cargo ship seems to have mysteriously vanished off the coast of Sweden. It's possible it wasn't a pirate attack and was connected to a commercial dispute of some sort. Although if it was an attack by pirates, the view from the beaches of Saint-Tropez are about to get a little bit more interesting, no? [AP, related]

Frank DiPascali States the Obvious | Bernie Madoff's right-hand man, Frank DiPascali, will joining his former boss behind bars in the near future. The former chief financial officer of Madoff's investment firm, DiPascali pleaded guilty this afternoon to all the counts against him, including securities fraud, falsifying records and international money laundering, as part of a deal with prosecutors. "Mr. DiPascali said at the plea hearing that the transactions were "all fake. It was all fictitious. It was wrong, and I knew it was wrong at the time." [WSJ]

Non-Heist of the Century | Ever hear of the Nicholas Roerich Museum? It's located on the Upper West Side. A tourist attraction it is not: The museum says it gets just 25 visitors a day. And yet "brazen art thieves" have hit the museum in two separate heists in recent weeks. Call us misguided, but "brazen" is storming into the Met with a dozen machine gun-toting friends and pulling a bunch of Van Goghs from the walls. This just suggests that New York City's art thieves have gotten lazy. Or maybe they've been busy transitioning to the booming business of bank robberies? [NYP]

Ali Wise, the publicist and social fixture accused of hacking into another socialite's voicemail, is going to have plenty of time to work on her defense from now on. WWD reports today that Wise is longer employed by Dolce & Gabbana. (Unfortunately, the fashion house wouldn't "elaborate" on her departure, so we don't know the specifics.) Don't think she's sitting at home watching bad television and eating ice cream, though. Judging by the number of exclamation points, it seems like she was in a pretty good mood last night when she headed out to attend the Pete Yorn concert. [WWD]

Not All Goldman Employees Are Sitting So Pretty | It's been a rough few weeks for Goldman Sachs as critics have assailed the firm over its massive profits, the role it may have played in creating the current economic mess and, last but not least, the firm's decision to stand by silently as the Bronx's cookie industry is decimated. How could it possibly get any worse? Having child molesters on the payroll, for one thing:More

You Can Only Lose Your ATM Card So Many Times | Need further evidence that America's banking system could use a little fixing? Four NYU college buddies figured out that if you claim your ATM card has been stolen, you're not responsible for the charges, and the bank has 10 days to reimburse you for the loss. So the four opened account after account and pretended their cards had been stolen, over and over again, racking up about half a million bucks in phony refunds over the course of, oh, five years or so, before the banks finally figured out that there might just be a pattern here. Not that lawyer (and chick magnet) Eric Manganelli wasn't already a bit suspicious, of course. It's never a good sign when you count Al D'Amato and Bernie Kerik as friends on Facebook. [NYDN]