Cityfile: New York's Most Notable and Influential

Today's Life Lesson | It's probably not a good idea to have the person who regulary gives you massages be the same person who also performs liposuction on you when the need arises. Thank you. [NYT]

Home of the Vain, Thin | Congrats! The website Total Beauty has concluded that New York is America's "vainest" city. The proof? Residents here spend more on hair coloring, skin care, makeup and hair growth products than those in every other city in America. But we save on food, so it all works out! [Total Beauty via NYM]

Those fish pedicures that no one was actually getting, but which managed to generate loads of press nonetheless? State Senator Jeffrey Klein of the Bronx announced yesterday that he plans to introduce legislation to ban the "treatment," since "you can't sanitize fish" and it's "dangerous and clearly unsanitary." More

Bunny Lines = Botox | New Yorkers aren't exactly shy about their fondness for Botox. But if a woman isn't prepared to spill her beauty secrets—or you suspect she's lying to you—there are some clues to indicate whether she's an addict. More

We trust that, like any self-respecting woman, you're no longer sporting the pathetic stunted eyelashes you had to go out and buy, but have been using Latisse to grow lashes that are "longer, thicker and darker." And as shocking as it might be that Latisse manufacturer Allergan, in its noble quest to save us from the shame of small eyelashes, would mislead its customers, the FDA recently sent out a letter warning the company that it's been minimizing some of the risks associated with use of the product.More

You've heard of a spermine facial, haven't you? (If you haven't, it's exactly what you probably think it is.) How about a bird poop facial, which has gotten lots of media attention recently? Maybe you'd be interested in "extreme cryotherapy," which involves stepping into a chamber that's been cooled to 216 degrees below freezing and which may tighten your skin, assuming you survive? (You can actually scratch that last one off your list; it isn't available in New York just yet.) If you're feeling adventurous as we head into fall—and you've got some cash to burn—there are all sorts of dubious procedures you can subject yourself to, provided, that is, you can get beyond their horrifying descriptions. A collection of some of the zaniest ones—and where you can find them in NYC—is below.More

A woman who claims her life was ruined after she stopped off at Bliss for a Brazilian wax is going to have her day in court. Somer Graham filed a lawsuit against the chain after a waxing session in 2006 left with "serious injuries to her genitalia," which, she says, has since left her with unending pain, made it impossible to go to work, and ruined her sex life. This week, an attempt by Bliss' lawyers to settle the case and avoid a trial was denied by a judge. Presumably that's good news for Graham, who is seeking a large settlement from Bliss for her misery. But it also means she's going to have to spend a couple of weeks sitting in a courtroom as opposing medical experts debate whether this is simply a case of a little "vulvar irritation" or a more serious incidence of "labia trauma." Awkward, no? The ruling is below. More

Michael Bloomberg looks pretty good for his age. But he could always look better! Thanks to the magical powers of New Beauty magazine's highly addictive Instant Makeover Tool—do not visit the site unless you're prepared to fritter away half your afternoon—we subjected the mayor to an eyebrow lift, eyelid fold, blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty, lip augmentation and jaw contouring, and then used some injectibles for treat those depressing nasolabial folds and frown lines of his. He turned out quite nicely, don't you think? You can review larger before-and-after photos here, if you'd like to inspect our work more closely. Now all Bloomberg needs to do is make an appointment with the plastic surgeon of his choice and we can all look forward to a much more fresh-faced mayor on the campaign trail this fall.

Ever wish you could look like the Real Housewives of New Jersey? Or, more likely, wish you could look nothing like the Real Housewives of New Jersey? Well, W gets to the bottom of the tanning, botoxing, buffing, and spackling routines of Caroline, Danielle and Dina (who, along with Teresa and Jacqueline, put on quite the table-throwing season finale last night). Mimic or avoid at your own discretion.More

Beauty Business Goes Bust | A tipster tells us—and we have since confirmed—that Insitu, the Gramercy salon founded by stylist Paula Casano and known for its Japanese hair-straightening expertise, has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. It's not just the salon's curly-haired clients who will suffer if it's forced to close it doors: Insitu is one of the few salons in Manhattan that works with the Locks of Love project year-round, offering free haircuts to women willing to donate their tresses to economically disadvantaged cancer patients. The grim evidence is below.More

Who's benefiting from the collapse of the economy besides vulture investors, short sellers and bargain-hunting fashionistas? Blondes! Or, more specifically, blue-eyed blonde models, who are experiencing a renaissance now that designers are casting "wholesome-looking girls with flaxen manes" in their ads in an effort to "reassure" rather than "shock" the consumer.More

Botox Loses Its Precious Monopoly | Botox won't be the only option on the menu the next time you head off to see your cosmetic surgeon or dermatologist. A drug called Dysport just won approval from the Food and Drug Administration. Just like Botox, Dysport uses pure poison (botulinum toxin) to relax your muscles and smooth out the wrinkles you'd really rather not have for your upcoming class reunion. But it's more expensive than Botox—and research suggests it's less effective and riskier compared to the competition—so feel free to ignore everything you just read and stick to the lethal poison you already know and love. [Bloomberg]

We Will All Smell Like Paris Hilton in the Future | So everyone is talking about the swine flu and thousands of New Yorkers feared for their lives this morning when a plane circled around Lower Manhattan. One thing that will only serve you frighten you more: Paris Hilton is preparing to roll out her ninth perfume next month, and her "fragrance empire" rakes in an estimated $200 million a year. And if you're thinking that having nine different perfumes on the market might mean she's totally saturated the market, well, think again. She just signed a new five-year contract with the fragrance giant Parlux, and should have a total of 13 perfumes on the market by 2014. Unless Mother Nature intervenes and we all get swine flu and all die, of course. [NYDN]

It's the biggest curse of womankind—eclipsing PMS, childbirth, bikini waxing, mandatory starvation, sharing a gender with Gwyneth Paltrow, and earning 75 cents to a man's dollar—and yet modern technology still hasn't figured out a way to eradicate cellulite. It is, however, doing its best, and the latest gizmo that promises to de-ripple butts and thighs is the Smoothshapes laser, which is being promoted by dermatologist Neil Sadick and which Oprah magazine's Valerie Monroe road-tests for our edification.

It reads like the plotline for a particularly lurid Law & Order episode: A 43-year-old Bronx woman dies suddenly; her death seems tragic but unsuspicious, until the medical examiner discovers a silicone embolism in her lungs and her family reveals that she'd been given body-plumping silicone injections by an unlicensed cosmetologist, who would have been charged with homicide had she not fled to the Dominican Republic. More